中考作文练习Ⅲ2018年上海市闵行区初三一模作文原题及解析

Ⅶ. Writing 作文 共20分

牛刀小试

94. Write at least 60 words on the topic“ has changed me”以“ 改变了我”为题，写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。.

成长路上，你曾经遇见过很多人，如一位师长、一个朋友等，你也曾经经历过很多事，如一次比赛、一项活动等，这些人与事或多或少改变了你，让你变成更好的自己。请选择其中某件事或某个人, 以“ has changed me”为题写一篇不少于60字的短文。

注意：短文中不得出现任何人名、校名及其它相关信息，否则不予评分。

The English Speech Contest has changed me

参考范文：

1It was not until I won the prize that I realized I could do the speech successfully. During the last Arts Festival I entered for the English Speech Contest with great encouragement for it was a tough decision for a girl 2who was too shy to speak in public. 3As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” 3I made every effort to prepare and practice the speech carefully once and again to make it impressive.4As a result, the judges gave nods to me. I made great progress because I overcame the stage fright. From then on, I believed that 3nothing is impossible for a willing heart!

名师把脉

一、2018年闵行区一模为夹叙夹议类半命题作文，“ has changed me”, 范围比较广，人、物都可以选择，学生非常熟悉的题材，在简单叙事中升华，有亮点最关键。文章结构清晰，先要开门见山，中间部分陈述事情经过，最后再次点题，升华中心思想，注意首尾句不同句式，不同方式点题。文章结构部分需清晰明了，不能大杂烩，一锅端，有内容，不可空发感慨。

二、范文精彩亮点分析：

亮点一：开头It was not until I won the prize that …，not until 强调句，亮点句型;

亮点二：定语从句并套用“too…to句式”

亮点三：谚语与文章内容的契合，亮点句型;

亮点四：“make every effort/make all efforts/spare no effort to do sth”竭力做某事。

亮点五：平顺的过渡词，亮点短语。